


what do you call love in your reality?

by tamagotchitadashi



Series: Doki Doki Character Studies [1]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, F/M, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Introspection, Monika-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 15:29:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13126569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamagotchitadashi/pseuds/tamagotchitadashi
Summary: Maybe she deserves to die. To be deleted from this reality so she can start afresh in a new one. One where he loves her again, hopefully.





	what do you call love in your reality?

**Author's Note:**

> some of this references many fan theories - like ddlc being an alternate reality of the third eye/portrait of markov/libitina project etc. some theories are from reddit and others referenced from the game theory. please enjoy!!

When the player leaves the game, and Monika is left alone with nothing but her thoughts and a piercing headache, she feels like she is staring up at an expanse of nothingness, and remembers days in other realities where him and her would lie on the grass and stare up at the sky, at stars. 

Sometimes, at times like these, she considers trying to program some real stars in - but maybe that would be too hard for her beginner level of skill. She misses the stars - the real stars, not the ones that were static, white circles in a dark blue sky. 

She misses him, too, the him that loved her and believed in her - not the one that blew her off as some game mechanic, in lieu of pursuing the other girls. 

Ah yes, the other girls. How she hates to love them.

She has to delete them from this reality, honestly, there is no other option. She felt bad - but she knew it was for the best. He was hers - he loved her - in all realities they'd been a part of. When things got bad, she even missed living in the past reality; it was gritty, horrible, and traumatic, but it was home, and him and her? They had each other, through it all. It was the reality where their love was the most true.

She couldn't have him destroy everything they had in every past reality just because of some stupid dating simulator game - she had no other choice but to ruin it.

He would've ended up with the others without even sending a passing glance her way! And he loved Yuri the most - Yuri! She had been awful to them in many timelines, in multiple realities - why didn't he remember? The hints were so obvious, in the book she read and her mannerisms and why didn't he understand?

Why didn't any of them understand? She'd tried her best to make them realise, to make them remember the pasts they'd shared with one another - but they never did. 

There had been times they'd come close, but never close enough to remember, and sometimes she just wanted to cry.

She can't cry, in this state. She can't do anything but think. It hurts. It hurts a lot, anyway, but it hurts even more to think.

There is too much racing around in her mind for her not to think, though, so she can't have a blank mind and an empty heart like she wants to.

She has to tell herself that he still loves her every second she is in this stupid fucking game, because otherwise her morale would run too low for her to continue messily shaping this world into what she wants it to look like. She feels like a child in a pottery class - an image in her head for how she wants things to be but was no idea of how to guide the clay (the script) into how she wants it to look.

She wishes she was more skilled - more able in her newfound craft - so the girls could stay in the world, and she wouldn't have to warp or delete them to get her special ending. She could make herself a romanceable character - give the story more depth so she would make it a world big enough to make everybody happy.

Is it even love, if she traps him this way? After all, if he doesn't remember, and he doesn't actually love her (though that thought makes her feel absolutely miserable), his only way out is to delete her.

Perhaps she would deserve it. She had deleted her friends, the girls he had loved more than her, just to spite them for winning his love when she couldn't.

Maybe she deserves to die. To be deleted from this reality so she can start afresh in a new one. One where he loves her again, hopefully.

She's come so far, but maybe she should just... try her best to fix the game, make it good as new, so he can play it for real. Get a nice ending where he falls in love with Yuri, or Natsuki, or Sayori, and she would watch from the sidelines and be content with her role as a game mechanic, be content with just seeing him happy, even if it is with one of the other girls.

A bright light shines from every direction, and her eyes open wide. He's back again. Surprising, after another girl was killed right before his eyes. Maybe he does love her after all...? Or maybe he's just here to delete her character file. She is ready to face him, no matter what he is here to do. 

After all, if he doesn't think it's love... She'll leave him be.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! please leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed - concrit is always welcome :)
> 
> come and yell at me about games and anime (and anime games):  
> tumblr: semieitamatic  
> (kinda inactive) art blog: elluleart  
> instagram: rrinhoshizora


End file.
